Parents are often concerned about adopting a pet knowing that a pet's life span is shorter than humans. Will our children understand if this pet dies? Psychologists generally agree, however, that if parents help a child handle the loss of a pet well, the experience can aid them in coping with future deaths - both human and animal.
1.Be truthful with your child. Explain what has happened to the pet. If your child is too young to fully understand the concept of death, this is an excellent opportunity to tell him your views and explain the process of death. Children think that death is a temporary thing, so you will need to explain that the pet will not be coming back. Older children will need help in coming to terms with their feelings about death, as well as the loss of a beloved pet.
2.Help your child express their feelings. We all go through the same emotions when the death of someone we love occurs whether that someone is human or animal. First we may deny the death or just pretend that it doesn't matter to us. Then we will feel anger toward others or toward our lost one. We will try to analyze what could have been done differently so they would not have died. Parents need to help children vocalize their feelings and not try to deny their feelings. We should just know that each stage is a necessary step in the grieving process.
3.Acknowledge the power of grief. Grief over a pet's passing can be as powerful for adults and children as the grief over losing a close human companion. If we are accepting and understanding of this grief, it will be resolved more easily. We can offer our perspective about life and death, and the sense that these feelings change with time.
4.Don't automatically replace the pet. When we go out and substitute another kitten or puppy for the deceased one, we don't give our child the chance to deal with the reality of loss. Replacing a pet can also encourage denial. In a sense, we are saying "See, Snowball didn't really die. Here she is in another form." Let your child ask for a new pet rather than taking it for granted that they want a new one.
5.Reassure your child that she's not at fault. Children may feel responsible for occurrences in their lives because they view the world egocentrically. They need to hear that the anger they may have had toward a pet, or the wishes they had that the pet would leave them alone, had absolutely nothing to do with its death.
6.Celebrate your pet's life. Instead of ignoring your pet's passing or having a mournful funeral, create a ceremony with your child that eulogizes the special qualities that your pet brought into your lives. Have your child help structure the event and express his feelings about his companion, if he wishes. Memorial services can bring closure to a sad event, and when we join with others in saying good-bye to a companion, we feel supported. We also get a sense that death is part of the ongoing process of life.
2.Help your child express their feelings. We all go through the same emotions when the death of someone we love occurs whether that someone is human or animal. First we may deny the death or just pretend that it doesn't matter to us. Then we will feel anger toward others or toward our lost one. We will try to analyze what could have been done differently so they would not have died. Parents need to help children vocalize their feelings and not try to deny their feelings. We should just know that each stage is a necessary step in the grieving process.
3.Acknowledge the power of grief. Grief over a pet's passing can be as powerful for adults and children as the grief over losing a close human companion. If we are accepting and understanding of this grief, it will be resolved more easily. We can offer our perspective about life and death, and the sense that these feelings change with time.
4.Don't automatically replace the pet. When we go out and substitute another kitten or puppy for the deceased one, we don't give our child the chance to deal with the reality of loss. Replacing a pet can also encourage denial. In a sense, we are saying "See, Snowball didn't really die. Here she is in another form." Let your child ask for a new pet rather than taking it for granted that they want a new one.
5.Reassure your child that she's not at fault. Children may feel responsible for occurrences in their lives because they view the world egocentrically. They need to hear that the anger they may have had toward a pet, or the wishes they had that the pet would leave them alone, had absolutely nothing to do with its death.
6.Celebrate your pet's life. Instead of ignoring your pet's passing or having a mournful funeral, create a ceremony with your child that eulogizes the special qualities that your pet brought into your lives. Have your child help structure the event and express his feelings about his companion, if he wishes. Memorial services can bring closure to a sad event, and when we join with others in saying good-bye to a companion, we feel supported. We also get a sense that death is part of the ongoing process of life.
