Behavior Tools for Parents

The following tips are from Rachel Cross, a professor who teaches Early Childhood classes at Sacramento City College's Davis Extention.

Intro:

One thing Prof. Cross stresed is that the tools mentioned are to be used when a child's behavior is to a point where normal limits and strategies are not effective, and that a parent/caregiver should try to examine why a child is behaving in an undesirable way. Parent tools are positive strategies to abuse. Abuse only serves to create feelings of diminished self esteem, resenment and anger, within the child as well as the abuser.

The picture I chose for this article is of two children getting along. But what if they were not? What would have to be looked at are the factors contributing to the behavior; their environment. For instance, are there enough supplies for everyone to use? is everyone using words? Is one or both of the children having difficulties for some reason outside of the care environment (death in family, divorce, abuse, or basic needs not being met). As I have said in other articles, the 3 basic teachers in a child's life are 1.Parents 2. Environment. 3. Relationships with caregiver(s). These 3 areas can give clues to behavior.

The first skill: TURNAROUND SKILLS (being intentional about restoring a desired state)
Young Child: Teach the child to initiate a new game after a conflict with peers.

Aimee says: We have to remember that just because children are not getting along does not make them unlikable. Even as adults we want to come back to the group and be accepted.

The second skill: CHOICES (Offering 2 or more choices that end at the same point)
Young child: Ask the young child "Would you like to walk to your bed or would you like me to carry you"?

Aimee says: Don't give choices that you're not willing to honor and don't bribe. The idea is for them to maintain their power and independence while staying within the limits you have set.

The third skill: BEHAVIOR TRADE-OFF (Making a behavior difficult or impossible by rewarding a competing behavior).
Young child: Your child cannot watch T.V. and play in the back yard at the same time.

Aimee says: It amounts to taking your child out of the problem situation: you cannot be in the refrigerator while you are taking a walk.

The fourth skill: VERBAL REHERSAL (Creating a behavioral plan in advance to implement in an upsetting or dangerous situation).
Young child: Tell the child exactly what to do if they get lost in a store. Plan: find an employee of the store or a mother with children to help.

Aimee says: You are about to enter Toys 'R" Us to buy a present for your child's friend's Birthday party. Your child delays you because they want to look at everything in the whole store, and then they throw a fit because you wont buy them anything.

Next time verbalize the whole shopping trip to them before they enter the store, "Kate, we are here to Buy Tommy a Birthday gift. We are going to pass the doll section and go all the way to the back for legos. We are not buying any thing for you. We will buy the present and leave. When we are finished we can go to the park if you have followed the plan."

There are more tips available. This is just a sample. Q. & A.: if you would like to begin a discussion about problem behaviors please comment below...